marriage jokes

A debt-overwhelmed man, hopelessly poring over a pile of bills, suddenly shouted “I’d give a thousand dollars to anyone who would do my worrying for me!”
“You’re on,” said his wife. “Where is the thousand?”
“That is your first worry,” he replied.

The humble little accountant had his suspicion. One day he left the office early and, sure enough, at home he found a strange hat and umbrella in the hallway and sitting in the living room in the arms of another man was his wife. Wild for revenge, the husband picked up the man’s umbrella and snapped it in two across his knee.
“There!” he said. “Now I hope it rains!”

At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman for all these years. Luigi replied to the assembled husbands,
“Wella, I've tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best of all is that I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!” The priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here!” Please tell us what you're planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary." Luigi proudly replied, "I'm gonna go get her."
(The Secret of a Long Marriage)

At a BBQ a couple was chatting with some guests when the marriage counseling topic came up. The wife very pompous commented; “Oh we’ll never need that. My husband and I have an excellent relationship.” “My husband was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I am listening.”