misc jokes

"Doctor, Doctor, I think I am suffering from De-ja vu!"

"Didn't I see you yesterday?"

After 20-years of marriage the wife starts complaining to her husband that he does not love her anymore and she begs him to seek advice from her friend the local parish priest. Obliging he went, afterwards he arrives home, lifts her off her feet and carries her from one room to the other, surprised she exclaims oh! How much you love me? What did the priest tell you? Well he told me to carry my cross and that is you!!

A man is walking down the street. He sees a beautiful woman coming toward him. She's walking a dog. As she comes nearer, he finds he can't take his eyes off the dog...she gets within ten feet of him, and he says, "Excuse me, lady, but I couldn't help noticing...your dog has no nose...how does he smell?"
"Awful!" She replied

A court appointed lawyer was defending this idiot in lower court.
The judge found him guilty, and said 30 days and $30.00.
The lawyer said “what do you want to do?”
Not having much education the idiot said, “Let’s peal it up stairs”
The lawyer said “your honor we appeal this case up to a higher court”
When they got in the higher court the judge said 60 days and $60.00.
What do you want to do now, he asked the idiot?
Let’s peal it back down stairs.