misc jokes

Little Sue was standing in front of her mirror with her eyes closed.
“Why are you standing there with your eyes closed?” asked her sister.
“So I can see what I look like when I’m asleep,” she replied.

The prison officer tells the warden, “Sir, I have to report that ten prisoners have broken out.”
The alarmed warden says, “Blow the whistles, sound the alarms, alert the police.
With a surprised look the officer says, “Shouldn’t we call the doctor first – it looks as if it might be measles.

Mr. Briggs looked towards his secretary who was absorbed in painting her fingernails.
“Miss Smith,” he said, “I’d like to compliment you on your work- but when are you going to do any?”

Two convicts were sitting on their cot in a jail cell. One says to the other, "I hear you’re getting out in a few days. Tell me something are you going straight, or are you going back into politics?"