misc jokes

During a robbery, one of the robbers mask slid down.
He looked at a man and asked. Did you see my face?
The man said yes! The robber shot him.
Then he asked a woman. Did you see my face?
She said no, but my husband over there did.

Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?

A: "BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!"

A woman burst out of the examining room screaming after her young physician tells her she is pregnant. The director of the clinic stopped her and asked what the problem was. After she tells him what happened, the doctors had her sit down and relax in another room and he marched down the hallway where the woman’s physician was and demanded, “What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?” The young physician continued to write his notes and without looking up at his superior, asked, “Does she still have the hiccups?”

Mo and Jo are sitting in boat fishing, drinking beer and chewing tobacco when out of the blue Mo says, “I think I’m gonn a divorce my wife …… she ain’t spoke to me in over a month.” Jo sips his beer and says, “Better think over, women like that are hard to find.”