misc jokes

Pat and Mick have just started their job installing telegraph poles. At the end of the first week they both go to collect their wages and the boss tells Mick he is dismissed. Why? asks Mick. Well, said the boss. Pat has put in 50 poles this week and you have only done 5, Mick looks rather perplex, and says, “but look how far he has left them sticking out.”

Did you know the most difficult job in the US Military is being a Navy Pilot?
I guess it is really hard to make the boats fly!

A divorced billionaire was ordered by the Court to hand over a 49% share of his Corporation to his ex-wife. The Billionaire, we will call him Sam, was actively involved in acquiring properties wherever he chose. At an annual Board Meeting with his executives, the company stockholders, minus the ex-wife, were reviewing the land acquisitions during the time since Sam's divorce was finalized. They started a discussion of each property, one by one. "Fish Haven, Idaho, I see the aggression expression on that purchase", the one executive commented. Sam gave his nod of admission of its truth. The next company man made his statement, "Dog Walk, Kentucky", "Again we have an aggression expression, don't we Sam?" Sam concurred with that fact again. "Horse heads, New York," and the company man said, "Aggression Expression with DRAMATIC innuendo!" Sam was all too willing to say yes and be understood as an angry and vengeful man. The next property on the roster was Canton, Ohio. "Canton, Ohio?” asked the 4th company man, "I don't see any sign of your conveyance of your indignation, to your ex, on this property name." Sam replied, "No, this acquisition was just to say I love Chinese food."

At a Catholic school, there was a "meet the teacher" open house for the 2nd graders. After the meeting, a Nun announced that there would be a small reception afterwards in the cafeteria. All the children and parents filed in, and saw on a table a plate of apples, a plate of cookies, and some water bottles and juice. As the children went through the line, one boy saw that there was a sign on the plate of apples that said, "Take only one. God is watching." So, the boy took an apple and moved on to the cookies. He helped himself, and then took a small piece of paper, and wrote: "Take all you want”. God is watching the apples."