misc jokes

Q: Why did the farmer get a Nobel Prize?

A: He was out-standing in his field!

A lady walking down the street one day saw a man walking towards her. The man was talking to himself, waving his arms around his head and jumping up and down three times. He repeated this several times. The lady asked the man what he was doing? The man replied I am keeping the pink elephants away.
The lady replied, "Why? There are no pink elephants around here."

The man replied, "I know, works great doesn't it?"

The doctor told the idiot to take this medicine after a hot bath.
He could hardly finish drinking the bath!

Judge: Haven’t I seen you before?
Man: Yes, Your Honor. I taught your daughter how to play the drums.
Judge: Twenty years!