misc jokes

How do you catch a squirrel that likes hazel nuts?
Climb a tree, act like a nut but whisper, "Oh, Filbert."

A giraffe walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Mug or long neck?"

Just something funny to read.


1) It’s better to be crazy & know it than being sane & doubt it.
2) I’m lost. I've gone out to find me. If I come back before I return, please ask me to wait.
3) I live in my own little world!!! But that's okay, cause they know me there.
4) No lifeguard on duty. Swim at your own risk...
5) Daydreaming is way better than school!
6) Education is the progressive relation of our ignorance.
7) Insanity: A perfectly normal change to a normal mind.
8) The voices in my head are snoring.
9) Me? Psychotic? What gave you that idea?
10) I’m not crazy! It's the rest of you that are freaks!
11) You say I'm psycho like it's a bad thing!
12) Insanity in individuals is something rare but in groups, parties, nations, & epochs... it is the rule!!!
13) Only two things are infinite: the universe, & human stupidity...
14) My fist & your teeth have an appointment...
15) If nobody is perfect then hi, my name is Nobody.
16) Caution: Professionals at work
17) I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
18) Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off till further notice!!!
19) Lifting weights are fun!!!
Use your siblings to your advantage.

DOES THIS HOMEWORK LOOK FAMILIAR?

We professors have a memory for names that is best served in one of the following ways:

Your name is an eponym (you’re named after a famous person or place),
An epiphenomenon process occurred (you told me your name and I remembered it), or
An epistolary action occurred (you wrote your name down on the homework).
Of the three choices, the last is the best because not everyone can be named Abe Lincoln and we have trouble remembering where we put our wallets.

Professor Johnson, 4/19/00, written comments posted on his office door with the suspect homework