misc jokes

The choir had just come out of rehearsal. “Am I to assume that you do a lot of singing at home?” Mr. Harris asked a fellow choir member, David Grey. “Yes, I sing a lot. I use my voice just to kill time,” said David. Mr. Harris nodded, “You certainly have a fine weapon.”

Two idiots are sitting in front of a mirror.
One said, "Why don’t we meet the two people in the mirror", so they stood up and the other one said, "sit, sit they're coming!"

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora") because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("el computador") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time, they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.

Charlie took his girl friend to her first football game. They had really good seats, right above their team's bench. At the end of the game, Charlie asked her if she liked it.

"Yeah, it was great," she said. "I mean, with all the tight pants and stuff. I just don't get why all the fuss about a quarter!"

Charlie is confused. "A quarter?"

"At the beginning of the game," she explained, "I saw the two guys flip a quarter. Then the rest of the game, all they said was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' Hello! It's only 25 cents!"