misc jokes

A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.
In due time he received a note: “thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful
Of you to wrap each piece separately.”

A man went to the psychiatrist because he had a fear of thunder. “Doc, I don’t know what to do,” said the man.
The doctor replied, “That’s ridiculous. Thunder is a natural phenomenon – nothing to be afraid of. Whenever you hear thunder, do like I do: Put your head under the pillow and it will go away.”

A college student said to his mother, “I decided that I want to be a political science major and that I want to clean up the mess in the world!”
“That is very nice,” muted his mother. “You can go upstairs and start with your room.”

The comments of an experienced mother:

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children...

Now I have six children and no theories!