relationship jokes
Favorite this joke My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns a beautiful blue-green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.
A man with a gun is robbing a bank. He asks one of the bank customers if he saw him rob the bank. The guy says he did. The robber then shoots him in the head killing him immediately. The robber then asks a couple nearest to him the same thing. The husband says that he didn't but his wife did.
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. Furthermore, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a postcard, and write ”Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey" she said,"'you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
Spaghetti
Spaghetti
Spaghetti
Spaghetti
Spaghetti
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce
Bo tells Jed, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go."
"Well, what are you going to do, then?" Jed asks.
"Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant."
"Yeah," Jed agrees.
"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again."
"I remember," Jed says.
"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."
"So," Jed asks, "what you gonna do this year that's different?"
"Well," Bo replies, "this year I'm taking Earlene with me."
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