relationship jokes

A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Dave."

"Who?"

"Dave Bronson. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Dave every single time."

"There are always a few clouds over everybody."

"Not Dave. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

"He was something, huh?"

"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

"No wonder you remember him."

"Well, I never actually met Dave."

"Then how do you know so much about him?"

"I married his widow."

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue.
"Can I see your license and registration, bub?", the cop inquired.

"But officer," the fellow started, "I can explain..."

"Shut yer trap, bub!" snapped the officer. "You're going downtown
and sit a while till the sarge gets back."

"But, officer, I think you really should know..."

"And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," shot back the sap in the cell. "I'm the groom."

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high... She seemed surprised.