relationship jokes

"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?"

"Of course, dearest, no trouble," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

A man and a woman are sleeping together when suddenly there is a noise in the house. The woman quickly rolls over and blurts out, "It's my husband, you have to leave!"

The man jumps out of bed, gathers some of his clothing, jumps through the window, and crawls through the bushes and out on the street. After a moment, a realization sinks in. He calmly goes back into the house and says to the woman, "Wait, I'm your husband!"

Without missing a beat she replies, while giving him a dirty look. "So why did you run?"

Wife comes downstairs and asks her husband, who is lying on a sofa, "What have you been doing?"

He replies, "Killing Flies."

"How many you have killed so far?"

"Five, three males and two females."

"How did you figure that out?"

"Well, three were sitting on the remote and two were sitting on the phone."