Best Jokes

In a small town the veterinarian, who was also the chief of police, was awakened by the telephone. “Please hurry!” said the woman’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Do you need the police or a vet?” he asked. “Both,” the woman replied. “I’m not able to get my dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar’s leg in it.”

A secret agent was directed to a posh condominium complex to contact an anonymous source. “Williams is the name,” he was told by his superior. “Hand him this envelope.” Arriving at the complex, he was confused to find four different Williams occupying adjacent quarters. He decided to try the second condo. When a gentleman answered his knock, the agent spoke the pass code: “The grape arbor is down.”
Looking him over the man shook his head. “I’m Williams the accountant. You might try Williams the spy. Two doors down.”

Do you think there is intelligent life on Mars? Ask John.
I sure do, replied Bob; you don’t see them spending billions of dollars to come here, do you?

“I think the Johnson’s are suffering from age related stress,” a woman said of her neighbors. “What do mean?” asked her husband. “He won’t act his age, and she won’t admit hers.”