Best Jokes

An Alien, upon landing on earth, approached a bird on a branch. “Can you please direct me to a hotel?
The bird replied, “Cheep, cheep.”
“Well, it’d better be,” answered the alien. “It cost me a fortune to get here!”

One afternoon, a woman was gardening when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. She could tell from his collar and well-fed stomach that he had an owner. But when she walked into the house, he followed her, sauntered down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner. Almost an hour later, he went to the door, and she let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for a few days. Curious, the woman pinned a note on his collar: “Every afternoon your dog has been coming to my house and taking a nap.”
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “Cloud lives in a home with five children…he’s just trying to catch up on his sleep.”

After a week of agonizing physical training, police academy cadets still hadn’t been admitted to the firing range. “I don’t get it,” huffed one trainee to another as they pounded out yet another five-mile jog. “What do you mean?” “We still don’t know how to protect people and property, but we’re getting real good at running away.”

You know your doctor is too old when you look at the framed diploma on his wall and realize his Hippocratic oath was signed by Hippocrates!