Best Jokes

This guy was drinking at the bar counter. Every time he took a drink he would pull something from his pocket and look at it. Eventually the curiosity of the bartender got the better of him and he asked the guy what he is looking at. He replied: I’ve got a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she begins to look good I know I have had enough.

Rick, my husband, and I had a hectic holiday schedule encompassing careers, teenagers, shopping, and all the required doings of the season.

Running out of time, I got the stationer to print our signature on our Christmas cards, instead of signing each one.

Soon we started getting cards from friends signed "The Modest Morrisons,"

"The Clever Clarks," and "The Successful Smiths."

Then it hit me.

I had mailed out a hundred cards neatly imprinted with "Happy Holidays from the Rich Armstrongs."

What do you call a three legged dog?

Tripod!

What do you call a two legged dog?

Bipod!

What do you call a one legged dog?

Pogo!

It's dinner time. Mom tell her 4 year old son to give a call to his dad to get home early for dinner together.


Mom: "Son, please give your father a call and tell him to come back early, we'll having dinner together"

Son: "Yes ,mom."

A moment later...dialing...

Son:" Mom...someone had pick up the call...but..."

Mom: "But what?"

Son: "It sounds like a..."

Mom: "Any problem with that?"

Son:"No mom..."

Mom: "So?"

Son: "hmm..."

Mom: "Make sure tell your dad to come back early..."

Son: "Yeah...but...that's not dad, is...a women's voice..."

Mom:"What!!!"

His mom getting angry with this... Soon,daddy went home.

Dad:"Hey darling,I'm back..."

Mom(angry): "MAKE SURE TO CLEAN YOURSELF FIRST! DON'T TRY TO LIE IN THIS FAMILY!!!"

Dad: "Hey??? What I've done....?"

They argue for a long time... Dad goes straight to his room and mom sits on the sofa.

After a while...

Son: "Mom, please don't angry..."

Mom: "Your father betrayed us, he had another women... (mom crying)

Son:"Don't cry mom, father won't leave us and the women told me to try later..."

Mom: "Gosh!!! what else she told you?"

Son: She told me that, "The number you've dial is out of coverage, please try later."