Best Jokes

Question: Why did Yo Momma poke herself in the eye?

Answer: She wanted to see what her fingertip looked like!

Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his medical degree in his home town and left for Manhattan. Soon he was invited to give a speech back in his home town. As he placed his papers on the lectern they slid off onto the floor and when he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he passed a gigantic fart and the microphone amplified it throughout the room.

He was embarrassed but regained his composure to deliver his paper. After he concluded, he raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his hometown until decades later.

His return those many years later was to visit his ailing, elderly mother. He reserved a hotel room under a false name, Levy, and arrived under cover of darkness.

The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"

Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here but
then I moved away."

"Why haven't you visited?" asked the clerk.

"I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."

The clerk consoled him, "Sir, while I don't have your life experiences, one thing I've learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I'll bet that's true of your incident, too."

Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I hope that's the case with my incident."

"Was it a long time ago?"

"Yes, many years."

"Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"

A man goes to a job interview. His resume was fantastic and his qualities was perfect for the company. The interviewers were impressed.

"You are a strong candidate, and we would like to hire you. However, there's this 5 years gap in your resume. What were you doing during that time?"

"I went to Yale"

"Wow great! You're hired"

"Yay, I got a yob!"

A charity worker knocked on Mrs Smiths door and said " Hello, I'm collecting for a home for drunkards. Can you donate anything?".

"Yes" replied Mrs Smith "If you come back after closing time you can have my husband".