An Antartian was standing in front of a soda machine muttering, "You're a dumb-looking button. You don't have much of a future, either. You're going to be replaced by a much better looking button."
"What are you doing?" another Antartian asked.
The Antartian quickly pointed to the sign on the front of the machine that read "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".
What did the man with the one hand do?
He went to the second hand shop!
A Tourist was driving down a country road in Kentucky when he saw a little boy walking down the road with only one shoe on.
He stopped and said, "What's the matter son? Did you lose a shoe?"
The boy says, "Nope! Just found one."