There was this old eccentric man who constantly chased children off his property, never said hello to anyone he met and because of his negative character, was described as "A man of means!”
Q: Who is the opposite of a Supreme Court Justice?
A: Antonym Scalia
In a beauty contest among birds, the finalists believe it or not were a chicken, an ostrich and a flamingo. And soon after the show, the judges were unanimous in reaching the final choice. And guess who won? The chicken, of course! The judges admitted that both the ostrich, and flamingo legs were beautiful, but the chicken had prettier laid eggs.
Two coworkers were talking by the water fountain one guy said, "Today I got through the first step of getting divorced." The second guy replies, "Oh, did you go to Mr. Guggenheim? Everyone goes to him for divorces." The first man replies, "No, I just got married".