Latest Jokes

A man walks into a restaurant and is shown to his seat by the hostess. The waiter approaches and asks, "Would you like to try our house special?” The man replies, "No, just bring me a steak, and make it lean". The waiter, somewhat puzzled, looks at him and replies, "which way?"

I rear-ended another car this morning. I tell you, I knew right then and there that it was going to be a really bad day.
The driver got out of the other car, and wouldn't you know it!
He was a dwarf!! He looked up at me and said, "I am 'Not Happy.'
So I said, "Well, then, which one are you?"

And, that's how the fight started.

A young polar bear asks his father, "Dad, am I 100% Polar Bear"
The father bear responds, "Well, son, I am all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your grandparents, even your great grandparents are 100% polar bear. So yes, son, you are 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?"
The young polar bear replies "Because I am really cold!"

Two elderly men were sunning themselves on a Miami Beach when they started a friendly conversation.
"I was able to move here to retire in Miami after my business burned to the ground," the one man said. "The insurance payment sure came in handy."
The other replied, "I'm here living from an insurance claim when my factory was flooded out."
The first man pondered for a few seconds and then asked, "How do you start a flood?"