Marty Profile



User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 628
# of followers : 16
# of following: 17
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 580.00
$10.00 won 2 votes

Billy: I asked my dog three questions and he got two of them right.

Trevor: What three questions?

Billy: I asked what covers a tree and he said bark. I asked him what the texture of bark is and he said ruff. I then asked him if he knew what the winning lottery numbers are next Saturday night?

Trevor: He missed the lottery number question right?

Billy: I don't know, I'll tell you on Sunday.

2 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

Mr. Jones: Doc, I can't sleep.

Doctor: You used to count sheep and told me it worked. Any idea why the sheep counting method quit working?

Mr. Jones: When I count the sheep now they're shivering and it's upsetting.

Doctor: When did this problem start?

Mr. Jones: Right after I bought a very warm wool blanket.

1 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

My wife and I went to the dog park yesterday. There was an elderly lady trying to coax her resistant toy poodle to come to her.

Being one that doesn’t mind helping others I picked up the little critter and passed it over to her.

She scowled at me and scurried off. I mentioned to my wife the lady wasn’t very grateful.

My wife replied by saying, “Perhaps you shouldn’t have used the pooper scooper.”

1 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "Marty" |
1 votes

In the aftermath of a recent hurricane a neighbor reported a man trying to break open an ATM in his back yard resulting in his arrest.

Judge: What do you have to say for yourself sir?

Defendant: The hurricane dropped the ATM in my back yard. The only reason I was trying to open it was to locate a serial number so I could find the owner?

Judge: What about the other five ATM’s the police found in your garage?

Defendant: Well, your honor, it’s been a bad hurricane season this year.

1 votes

CATEGORY Dumb Criminals
posted by "Marty" |