A female crab was walking down the beach one evening when she noticed a male crab coming toward her, but he was walking straight and not sideways.

Impressed by his talent, she decided to marry him immediately. The next morning she noticed him walking sideways like any ordinary crab. She asked, "What happened? Yesterday you were able to walk straight!"

He answered, "What?! I can't get that drunk every day!"

Have you heard of the dyslexic cow who attained enlightenment?

It kept on repeating OOOOMMM!

1. It's not funny to practice barking at 3 a.m.

2. It's wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her.

3. He shouldn't jump on your bed when he's sopping wet.

4. The cats have every right to be in the living room.

5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is stupid

6. Getting up does NOT mean we are going for a walk

7. Just because I'm eating, doesn't mean you can.

8. If you look at me with those big soppy eyes, I'm not going to give in and feed you. NOT NOT NOT. Oh, ok, just this once.

9. No, it's my food... Oh alright then, just a small piece.