Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated.
As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband's opinion. By this time he had learned just the right things to say.
"It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips."
Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out, "If there is a dress here that will do that, I'll buy them all!"
The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"
You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair.
It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets.
You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are.
You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a port-a-potty.
You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle.
You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog.
You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub.
You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink.
You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog.
You've learned to force a smile when asked, "Do you have a saddle for that thing?"
Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a vacation home in Florida.
Sister Grace at the convent opened a letter from home and found a $100 bill from her parents. She smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily-dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Grace" on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, and tossed it out the window. The stranger picked it up and read the note. He tipped his hat to Sister Grace and hurried away.
The next day, Sister Grace was told that a man was asking to see her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That's your $8,000, sister," he replied. "'Don't Despair' paid 80-to-1."