A construction site foreman had 10 very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.
"I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."
Nine hands went up.
"Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the 10th man.
"Too much trouble," he responded.
His beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking lot, his family was delighted.
Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim. Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone.
"We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'"
A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son three quarters to drop in the offering plate as it was passed.
As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was slow and boring, and the singing was off key."
Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for 75 cents."
At a boat rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime."
"Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99."
The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega-phone.
"Boat number 66!" he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"