My uncle, known for his heavy foot, was stopped by high patrol for driving 88 miles per hour in a 60 miles per hour zone.

Uncle: "Officer, was I driving too fast."

Officer: "No, I'm not giving you a speeding ticket. I'm ticketing you for flying too low without a pilot's license."

"And you say you were in the town where I was born?" she murmured softly.

"Yes," he replied.

"And you thought of me, Bob?" she cooed.

"I did," replied Bob. "I said to myself, 'Why, isn't this where what's-her-name born?'"

"Could you learn to love me?" ask the young man.

"Well," sighed the young lady. "I did learn shorthand in just three months."

Little Johnny came home from Sunday School with the distressing news news that he had lost the penny given to him for the collection.

"But Johnny, this is the third Sunday in a row that you have lost your penny," indicated his mother.

"Well," replied Johnny, "I gotta win sooner or later."