maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 494
# of followers : 5
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 1316.00
8 votes

My friend that has come into money is telling me that he is having his family tree researched.

"Yes, and it is quite expensive, it cost $5,000."

"Wow", I replied, "that is expensive!"

"Yes, but it only cost $2,000 to have it looked up. It cost another $3,000 to have it hushed up."

8 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "maryjones" |
$12.00 won 9 votes

A lonely kayaker wrote to a dating service explaining that he had specific criteria for a potential mate and would not accept anyone that doesn't meet his standard.

He described what his future soulmate should be like: the young lady must be cute, short, enjoys cold water and paddling.

A couple of weeks later he received the following in the mail: a picture of a penguin.

9 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$25.00 won 10 votes

Mary's list for the throughout the ages...

What I Want in a Man, Original List
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner


What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

10 votes

Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$12.00 won 9 votes

Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?

Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'

Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?

Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew...

9 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 4th Place won $12.00
posted by "maryjones" |