Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?

Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'

Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out?

Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew...

Little Johnny, on recess, was carrying a car door while playing outside with his buddies on a very hot day.

His teacher called him over to ask, "Why?"

Little Johnny replied, "If I get too hot, I can roll down the car window!"

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor,"You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can."

After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was so guilty, so I told him to split."

"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.

"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.