The teacher in Little Johnnys class approached him and directed he go to the principal's office. When he got there, the principle said to him, "Little Johnny, I've had complaints about you from all your teachers. What have you been doing?"
Little Johnny replied, "Nothing, Sir!"
The principal replied, "EXACTLY!"
One day a Stepford Wife entered an auto body shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The Stepford Wives went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when The Stepford Wife from across the street walked over and asked what she was doing?
After hearing the whole story the second Stepford Wife pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down!"
The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."
"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer.
"The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of them," said the pilot, trying to be friendly.
Unwilling to leave their dead deer, the hunters said "We got six on the plane last year."
The pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, "Any idea where we are?"
The second hunter said, "Yeah, right about where our plane went down last year."