maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 494
# of followers : 5
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 0
Location: United States
won: $ 1316.00
$7.00 won 8 votes

One Sunday after services one of the ladies approached the pastor's wife and commented, "What nice buttons you have sewed onto your sons jacket. My husband once had some like that on his suit."

The pastor's wife replies, "Why thank you for the complement. I get all my buttons out of the collection plate."

8 votes

Joke Won 8th Place won $7.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$9.00 won 7 votes

A couple returning from their honeymoon was in a deep discussion about people and their actions. John, the husband indicated: "I have always maintained that no two people on earth think alike."

Mary, his loving new bride commented: "You'll change your mind when you look over our wedding presents."

7 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$25.00 won 10 votes

The lawyer was defending a man accused of housebreaking, and said to the court:
"Your Honor, I submit that my client did not break into the house at all. He found the parlor window open and merely inserted his right arm and removed a few trifling articles. Now my clients arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish an individual committed by one of his limbs."

The Judge considered this argument for several minutes then declared: "That argument is very well put. Following it logically, I sentence the defendant's arm to one years imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.

The defendant smiled, stood up and his lawyer helped him unscrew his clients cork arm, and, leaving it with the Judge and walked out.

10 votes

CATEGORY Dumb Criminals
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$50.00 won 13 votes
 

Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time, One of them was on crutches.

"Hello!" said the other man. "Why are you on crutches?"

"Car accident," said the man on crutches.

"When did that happen?"

"Oh, about six weeks ago."

"And you still have to be on crutches?"

"Well, my doctor says I could get along without them. My lawyer says I can't."

13 votes

CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "maryjones" |