The soldier asked for a furlough so that he might get married. "How long have you known this girl," the sergeant asked.
"Why, my lad, that's not long enough. I suggest you wait a couple of months, and then, if you still want to get married I will approve the furlough."
Two months later the soldier was back, reminding the sergeant of his promise.
"So you still want to get married? I didn't think that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for a couple of months."
"I know, sir. But this isn't the same girl."
The defense attorney was cross-examining the attractive witness, leaned forward and thundered, "Where were you Monday night?"
"Automobile riding," replied the witness.
"What about Tuesday night?"
"And what are you going to be doing tomorrow night?"
The prosecuting attorney leaped out of his chair protesting the last question. The judge, being a tolerant gentleman, "And why do you object?"
The prosecuting attorney drew himself up in righteous indignation, "Because I asked her first."
"When are you going to fix that front fence," said the farmers wife.
"Next week when Johnny Jr. comes home from college," replied Johnny Sr.
"What will the boy know about fixing a fence?"
"He ought to know a heap. He wrote me that he'd been taking fencing lessons for over a month."
The pastor and one of his deacons were walking to parking lot on a frosty day after church. The deacon slipped on the walkway and fell flat on his back.
The pastor, after being assured that the deacon was not injured said, "Friend, sinners stand on slippery places."
The deacon looked up as if to assure himself of the fact said, "I see they do, but I can't."