I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Which is heavier: a litre of water or a litre of butane?
No matter how much you have, butane will always be a lighter fluid.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night...
Wife: "I'm pregnant...."
Dad: "Hi pregnant, I’m dad!"
Wife: "No, no you’re not."