HENNE Profile

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HENNE

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2015
# of jokes posted : 710
# of followers : 25
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 9
Location: United States
won: $ 610.00
$10.00 won 3 votes

Martha's Way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone for Pete's sake. You're probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Martha's Way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's Way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way:
Go to the bakery, they'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's Way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."

The Real Women's Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me the Real Women's Motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's Way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way:
Celery? If it doesn't have calories, why keep it?

Martha's Way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust and so don't do it.

Martha's Way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way:
Take a lime, cut it in quarters and rub it on the rim of a tall glass. Put lime in glass, fill with gin and tonic water and sip until the throbbing goes away. (repeat as required)

Martha's Way #9:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way:
Go ask the cute neighbor to do it.

And finally...

Martha's way #10:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way:
Leftover wine?

3 votes

CATEGORY Food Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "HENNE" |
$9.00 won 3 votes

A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked.

"Alligator teeth," the Indian replied.

"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us."

"Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyster."

3 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "HENNE" |
$9.00 won 5 votes

A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down.

"No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power.

Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we have no power. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."

5 votes

CATEGORY Airplane Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "HENNE" |
$5.00 won 3 votes
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A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child.

"Congratulations," said the nurse, "but don't you think this is enough?"

The woman replied, "Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

3 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "HENNE" |