What did the mother worm say to her son when he was late for dinner?

"Where IN Earth have you been?!?!"

Little Johnny goes to the local Farm & Ranch store to buy bird feed.

The salesperson ask how many birds does he have?

Little Johnny replies, "None, I want to grow some."

I went back to my home town a decided to visit the house I grew up in.

I ask the occupants if I could come inside. They said, "No!"

My parents can be so grouchy some times.

Following my diet plan for tonight, I had a salad that had lots of croutons and tomatoes.

Actually, I only had one big round crouton, covered with tomato sauce and cheese.

Fine, maybe I had a pizza.

Ok, I confess, I ate a whole pizza!