The golfer sliced a ball into a field of chickens, striking one of the hens and killing it instantly. He was understandably upset, and sought out the farmer.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “my terrible tee-shot hit one of your hens and killed it. Can I replace the hen?”
“I don’t know about that,” replied the farmer, mulling it over. “How many eggs a day do you lay?”
A girl asked an old bachelor friend whether he had been disappointed in love?
"No, I never was exactly disappointed in love. I was what you might call discouraged. You see, when I was very young I became much enamored with a young lady of my acquaintance. I was mortally afraid to tell her of my feelings, but at last I got the courage to the proposing point. I said 'Let's get married!'"
"And what did she say?
"She said, 'Good Lord, Who'd have us.'"
A man was arraigned for assault and battery and brought before the judge.
Judge: What is your name, occupation, and what are you charged with?
Prisoner: My name is Sparky, I am an electrician and I'm charged with battery.
Judge (after recovering his equilibrium): Officer, put this guy in a dry cell.