A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. 

She looks the man up and down and says, I've got news for you, "You're going straight to hell!"
 
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Oh man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

Teacher: "Class does anyone know what is a comet?"

Little Johnny: "A what?"

Teacher: "A comet. You know what a comet is?"

Little Johnny: "No."

Teacher: "Don't you know what they call a star with a tail?"

Little Johnny: "Oh sure. Mickey Mouse. "

You are so bald... that I can tell what's on your mind!

Four golfers were approaching the clubhouse green when they saw two ladies approaching.

One golfer commented to another, "Here comes my wife with some old hag she's picked up somewhere."

"And here comes mine with another," retorted the other, icily.