How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment?

Ten-ants.

Why does the milk stool only have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder.

A gold-digger had died and all her worldly possessions, including a parrot, were being auctioned off.

"What am I offered for this beautiful bird?"

"One bean," bid a bystander.

"Two bucks," roared another.

"Make it five, Daddy," croaked the parrot, "and I'll give you a kiss."

Little Johnny was awaiting the arrival of his piano teacher when his mother inquired, "Little Johnny, did you wash your hands?"

Little Johnny replied, "Yes."

Mother: "And your face?"

Little Johnny: "Yes mother."

Mother: "And did you wash behind your ears?"

Little Johnny: "On her side, I did."