The morning before Christmas Adam arose and said, "It's Christmas, Eve."
How many bugs do you need to rent out an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Why does the milk stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
A gold-digger had died and all her worldly possessions, including a parrot, were being auctioned off.
"What am I offered for this beautiful bird?"
"One bean," bid a bystander.
"Two bucks," roared another.
"Make it five, Daddy," croaked the parrot, "and I'll give you a kiss."