A gold-digger had died and all her worldly possessions, including a parrot, were being auctioned off.
"What am I offered for this beautiful bird?"
"One bean," bid a bystander.
"Two bucks," roared another.
"Make it five, Daddy," croaked the parrot, "and I'll give you a kiss."
Little Johnny was awaiting the arrival of his piano teacher when his mother inquired, "Little Johnny, did you wash your hands?"
Little Johnny replied, "Yes."
Mother: "And your face?"
Little Johnny: "Yes mother."
Mother: "And did you wash behind your ears?"
Little Johnny: "On her side, I did."