A bunch of men were sitting around the playing poker.
"I win!" said Johnson.
Henderson threw down his cards, "That's it! I've had it! Johnson is cheating!!!"
"How can you tell?" Phillip asked.
"Those aren't the cards I dealt him!"
A man walked up to the counter of an auto-part store. "Excuse me," he said, "I'd like to get a new gas cap for my Yugo."
"Sure," the clerk replied. "Sounds like a fair exchange to me."
Did you hear about the new surgery kit that lets the patients sew up his own incisions?
It's called Suture Yourself.
Mikey: "I ate a submarine sandwich for lunch and I think I'm going to be sick."
Mother: "What makes you say that?"
Mikey: "It's starting to surface."