Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!”
Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”
“Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”
After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.
“Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!”
The fisherman got such a reputation for stretching the truth that he bought a pair of scales and insisted on weighing every fish he caught, in the presence of witnesses.
One day a doctor borrowed the fisherman's scales to weigh a new born baby.
The baby weighed 40 pounds.
Ms. Warner: "Well, how are you getting on in your new eight room house?"
Ms. Kyle: "Oh, not so badly. We furnished one of the bedrooms by collecting soap coupons."
Ms. Warner: "Didn't you furnished the other seven rooms?"
Ms. Kyle: "We can't. They are full of the soap."
A long winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the judges of the superior courts. The attorney had rambled on in such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively.
With a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing on the time of this court."
"My friend," returned his honor, "there is considerable difference between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."