maryjones Profile

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maryjones

User Details

Member Since : Nov, 2018
# of jokes posted : 459
# of followers : 4
# of following: 0
eligible jokes to win : 1
Location: United States
won: $ 1222.00
$25.00 won 7 votes

Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you!”

Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”

“Not a problem,” the colleague replies, "just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.”

After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts.

“Oh darling,” she replies, “what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in!”

7 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 2nd Place won $25.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$5.00 won 2 votes

The fisherman got such a reputation for stretching the truth that he bought a pair of scales and insisted on weighing every fish he caught, in the presence of witnesses.

One day a doctor borrowed the fisherman's scales to weigh a new born baby.

The baby weighed 40 pounds.

2 votes

CATEGORY Baby Jokes
Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$10.00 won 8 votes

Ms. Warner: "Well, how are you getting on in your new eight room house?"

Ms. Kyle: "Oh, not so badly. We furnished one of the bedrooms by collecting soap coupons."

Ms. Warner: "Didn't you furnished the other seven rooms?"

Ms. Kyle: "We can't. They are full of the soap."

8 votes

CATEGORY Money Jokes
Joke Won 5th Place won $10.00
posted by "maryjones" |
$15.00 won 9 votes

A long winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the judges of the superior courts. The attorney had rambled on in such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively.

With a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing on the time of this court."

"My friend," returned his honor, "there is considerable difference between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."

9 votes

CATEGORY Lawyer Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "maryjones" |