"You know, I think everyone should divide their worldly goods with the other fellow," said an office worker to another.
"That's a good idea. If you had two thousand dollars would you give me half?"
"And if you had two automobiles, would you give me one?"
"And if you had two shirts, would you give me one?"
"Because I have two shirts."
At the monthly meeting of the local group of struggling artists, two of them were discussing their respective prospects.
First artist: "I'm not doing too well. I painted a picture for a local lady but she didn't like it. She said it made her look just like a monkey."
Second artist: "I hope you were diplomatic about it?"
First artist: "Yes, I told her she should have thought about that before she had her picture painted."