My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
Two drunk guys were fighting.
One of them drew a line in the dirt, and said if the other crossed it they would punch them in the face.
That was the punchline.
Before crowbars were invented...
...most crows drank at home by themselves.
I just saw some idiot at the gym...
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill!