Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts.
Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile.
In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me."
As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.
"Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!"
"What's the matter?" his father asked.
"No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Follow me!"
The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong.
"Do you hear that?" he whispered. Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts. "One for me. One for you. One for me. One for you..."
The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!"
The father was skeptical but silent -- until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road, we'll have them all."
A kid was home alone when the phone rang. He picked it up and heard, "Bloody fingers two houses away." The kid ran up to his room. The phone rang again, and the kid picked it up and heard, "Bloody fingers next door." This time the kid ran up to his room and got under the covers of his bed. The doorbell rang, the kid opened the door, and the man at the door said, "Hey! Got a Band-Aid?"
Teacher: "Lean, how old were you on your very last birthday?"
Teacher: "Then how old will you be on your next birthday?"
Teacher: "That's impossible!"
Lean: "No, teacher, I'm 8 today!"
One man asked a schoolboy, "How old is your father?"
The boy replied, "He is 8 years old."
Boy: "Because he became a father when I was born 8 years ago."