misc jokes

Warning Signs of Insanity for Programmers. 
1. You stay up all night coding only to realize that you haven't had any caffeine in about 6 hours. 
2. You wonder why on earth anyone would make a programming language conform to such absolutely bizarre rules of grammar but in a strange way it actually begins to make sense. 
3. You start dreaming in recursion (if you have any time to dream). 
4. You realize not only is it daytime but your project is due in 2 hours, which isn't enough time to even begin running it. 
5. You start customizing your environment because you want it "just right" (and because further work on the program is futile). 
6. You wonder when the invasion will begin. 
7. You understand #8. 
8. You start signing your name in octal (or binary) just because. 
9. You know more programming commands than actual words. 
10. You realize that you have reached the end, and there is no closing command. 

President Clinton decided to buy a puppy as a present for Hillary. He snuck the puppy under his coat into the White House and as he was walking down one of the halls he comes upon Al Gore. Clinton could not hold back his joy and shared his surprise with the Vice President. 

"Look what I got for Hillary!" exclaims Clinton, holding up the puppy.

Al Gore stares for a moment, then his eyes brighten up as he says, "Nice trade, sir!"

"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it.
 Can you give me an example of one?" 
"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car." 

A man was feeling terribly out of sorts and decided to go to the doctor so
he made an appointment and showed up the next day. After the doctor
examined the man, the doctor invited him into his office for the
consultation. The doctor came into the room with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor told the man to take the red pill in the morning with a big glass
of water, the blue pill in the afternoon with a big glass of water and the
green pill in the evening with a big glass of water.
The man, terribly shocked at the amount of pills he had to take asked the
doctor what in the world was wrong with him.
The doctor replied, "You aren't getting enough water."