misc jokes

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Norks Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs and says, "You smell kind of norky. What do you do for a living?" The truck driver says, "I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I am hauling." The bartender says, "Okay, truck drivers are not norks," and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver said, totally shocked, "Why did you do that?" The bartender said, "Not to worry, the norks are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license." The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the norkiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, "What's wrong? I thought norks were in season." "Well, sure," said the patrolman. "But you can't bait 'em."

The science graduate asks, "Why does it work?"

The engineering graduate asks, "How does it work?"

The accounting graduate asks, "How much does it cost?"

The liberal arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?" 

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

This man was talking to himself. "I wish I could meet some really important people before I die...."
A man walked up to him and said, "Hi, my name is Mike and I overheard you. I can help you because I know everybody on the planet who is alive today."
"No way, you must be pulling my leg. Let's go to Jane Hull so you can prove it to me," said the man.
So they go to Jane Hull's office, and when she notices Mike, they start to talk about how they were in kindergarten together.
"Okay, it could have been a coincidence that you were in kindergarten together. Let's go talk to the president!" said the man. So they took a jet to the White House where the President was having a press conference. When the President saw Mike, they started to talk about how they were in band together.
"Okay for your last test, let's go to the Pope!" said the man. So they took a jet to Rome and when they got there they went to a church were the Pope was giving a sermon. After the sermon, Mike walked up to the Pope and they shook hands and started to talk.
When Mike walked back over to the man, the man said, "You know, I had a hard time believing you even after the Pope until a guy came up to me and said, "Hey who is that standing next to Mike?!"