misc jokes

Part II
WHAT THE NEW JOB-LINGO REALLY MEANS by Dede Molter


"CAREER-MINDED": Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE": We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE": You'll need it to replace three people whom just left.
"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST": You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS": You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS": Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.

Part I
WHAT THE NEW JOB-LINGO REALLY MEANS by Dede Molter


"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY": We have no time to train you.
"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE": We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED": You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED": Some time each night and some time each weekend.
"DUTIES WILL VARY": Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL": We have no quality control.

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Tell me the name of the place where I am right now really, really, really slowly." The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louie-ville" and the other "Louise-ville."

They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. The one guy goes inside and says to the waitress, "Please tell me the name of the place where I am right now, really, really, really slowly."

The waitress goes, "Bur-ger-King."