misc jokes

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.

First woman: "My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me."

Second woman: "I know."

First one: "How?"

Second one: "My dog told me."

A man walks into a palm reader store and asks the reader, "Could you read my palm?"
He shows his hand to her, and she says, "But...I can't read your hand."
"Why?" the man asks.
"I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

Q: Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to?
A: Heck