misc jokes

What kind of doctor does a duck visit?
A Ducktor.

Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
"Yeah, I think I do!"
"Well, I didn't."

My brother remembers the day when a police car pulled up to grandma's house and grandpa got out. The officer explained that this elderly gentlemen said he was lost in the park.
''Why, Bill,'' said Grandma, ''You've been going there for over 30 years! How could you get lost?''
Leaning close to Grandma so the police officer couldn't hear, he whispered, ''Wasn't exactly lost. I was just too tired to walk home.''

The Bennett family had just moved into the neighborhood and was anxious to make a good impression. But the neighbors seemed busy and not interested.
One day Matthew, their youngest boy, ran into the house and announced, ''Ma, a lady down the street just asked me my name!''
Mother replied, ''Great! And then what happened?''
Matthew said, ''Oh, she gave it to the policeman.''