misc jokes

HALLOWEEN FUNNIES part II
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.

What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.

Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he was in need of a light snack.

Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?-
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.

HALLOWEEN FUNNIES part I
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!

Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!

Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers.

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.

What monster flies his kite in a rain storm?
Benjamin Frankenstein.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice Scream.

What's a monster's favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"

Q. Why did the amoebae flunk the math test?
A. Because it multiplied by dividing!