misc jokes

A guy goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one beer chaser.
The bartender lines up seven shots and goes to get the beer.
When he comes back with the beer only moments later, all seven shots were gone.
The bartender says, "Wow! You sure drank those fast."
The guy explains, :You'd drink fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy reaches into his pocket and says, "Fifty cents!"

HALLOWEEN FUNNIES part III
What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
Ghost-Toasties.

Mommy, mommy, teacher keeps saying I look like a werewolf.
Be quiet, dear, and go and comb your face

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A wash and wear wolf.

What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?-
They boo-kle their seatbelts.

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula.

What game do little cannibals like to play at parties?
Swallow the leader.

Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's.

HALLOWEEN FUNNIES part III
What kind of cereal do monsters eat?
Ghost-Toasties.

Mommy, mommy, teacher keeps saying I look like a werewolf.
Be quiet, dear, and go and comb your face

What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine?
A wash and wear wolf.

What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?-
They boo-kle their seatbelts.

What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula.

What game do little cannibals like to play at parties?
Swallow the leader.

Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?
Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's.

HALLOWEEN FUNNIES part II
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.

What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.

Why did the monster eat a light bulb?
Because he was in need of a light snack.

Why are most monsters covered in wrinkles?-
Have you ever tried to iron a monster?

What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.

Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.