money jokes

I received a letter saying I would not be given the American Express credit card I requested because my income wasn’t substantial enough.

Oddly enough, I work for American Express.

If your name is on the building, you’re rich...

If your name is on your desk, you’re middle-class...

If your name is on your shirt, you’re neither of the first two!

Lying on his deathbed, the rich, miserly old man calls to his long-suffering wife. "I want to take all my money with me," he tells her. "So promise me you’ll put it in the casket."

After the man dies, his widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the undertaker closes the coffin, she places a small metal box inside.

Her friend looks at her in horror. "Surely," she says, "you didn’t put the money in there."

"I did promise him I would," the widow answers. "So I got it all together, deposited every penny in my account, and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I’ll have the #24."

"Uh, Jim," I whispered, "that’s the price, not the meal number."

"Oh," he said. "Then give me the #12."