money jokes
Favorite this joke The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he asked, "Are you looking for a husband?"
A man told his wife that when he died, he wished to be buried with all his money. He died and was buried. The wife was asked if she indeed buried the husband with all the money.
She said she had done exactly what the husband had requested her to do. She said, “My husband had two million dollars when he died. If you dug up his body today, you would find his bones and a check for two million dollars!"
My friend seemed really down as we were having an after work visit to the local bar. After a few beers he finally shared his story. "I finally snapped. Last night while I was going over the bills, I discovered how much money my wife squanders and I hit the roof. I stormed into the bedroom and gave her a lecture on economy and thrift.”
“Did it help?”
“I’ll say. Tomorrow we’re selling my boat and sailing equipment.”
A man was sitting at the bar looking dejectedly into his bottle of beer.
“You look pretty down,” said the guy on the next stool. “Wanna talk about it?”
“I dunno,” sighed the first man. “It’s just that this time last year I had a fantastic job. I was making big money.”
“So?”
“Well, that was the problem. People started noticing the bills were five millimeters too big!”
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