Best Jokes

Two men out fishing for carp. One fellow stands up and as he does, his wallet falls out of his pocket and slowly sinks in the lake. As he tries to retrieve it, two huge carp show up and start fighting over possession of the wallet. The fellow turns to his comrade and states "First time I've seen carp to carp walleting!"

Dieters know this: A waist is a terrible thing to mind!

A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!" "What's that mean?" asks the girl. "That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast." "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon." What's that?" asked the guy. The girl says, "That's French toast."

It was rumored that a particular Native American had a fantastic memory. Hundreds of people asked the American questions which he was able to answer. A skeptical young man set out to find this American. When he did find the American he thought he'd set a test. After standing in a long queue of people asking questions it was finally his turn. He asked the American what he had had for breakfast 10 years ago. The American replied: eggs. The young man went off not entirely satisfied because there was no evidence to prove that the answer was correct.
Ten years later the man comes across the Native American again. Very pleased to see him he comes along to the American and greets him in the traditional "How". The American looks up at him, pauses for a moment and then replies: Scrambled.